


spicy memes and volleyball teams

by tamagotchitadashi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (me too watari), Badly Written Relationship Drama, Chatting & Messaging, Creative Insults, Denial of Feelings, Everyone Roasts Oikawa, Memes, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Pretending to be straight, Trans Characters, Watari Writes Fanfiction, cough yahaba cough, denial is but a river in egypt :'), groupchat fic, headcanons, rated teen because of swearing and mentions of drugs nd sex, relationship drama, so much mutual pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9487511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagotchitadashi/pseuds/tamagotchitadashi
Summary: hinata makes a karasuno group chat. it doesn't stay that way for long.





	1. it begins

**Author's Note:**

> a multichapter fic? on my account? it's more likely than you think.

hinoota has added kags, tadashi!, Tsukishima, yacchan, Suga, Dadchi, ryuu, assahi, nishi-fuckin-noya, Ennoshita, kazu and sashi to the chat

hinoota: ur names are so borin!!!!!!!!!1!!

Tsukishima: Please tell me the one in there was meant to be ironic.

hinoota: C H A N G E T H E M O R P R E P A R E F O R T R O U B L E

ryuu: and make it double!

nishi-fuckin-noya: to protect the world from devastation!

ryuu: to unite all people within our nation

nishi-fuckin-noya: to denounce the evils of truth and love

ryuu: to extend our reach to the stars above 

nishi-fuckin-noya: nishinoya!

ryuu: tanaka!

nishi-fuckin-noya: team rocket, blast off at the speed of light!

ryuu: surrender now or prepare to fight!

nishi-fuckin-noya: (chikaaaaa)

ryuu: (cmon chikara)

Ennoshita: Ennoshita thats right

kazu: im whezingg im just imaginin him looking into the camera like hes on th office

Ennoshita has changed their name to chikillme

hinoota: finaly some oranginaility

Tsukishima: The spelling. I want to kill myself.

chikillme: You can't be Tsukillme I've already copyrighted that joke

Tsukishima has changed their name to Tsuicidal

Tsuicidal: Try me.

sashi: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FGIHT

chikillme: Shut the hell your mouth Hisashi

Tsuicidal: Meet me in the pit.

suga: He sounds so monotone even sayin shit like this smh

tadashi!: mom just swore oh my god

hinoota: its the end of the world

tadashi!: im questioning everything i knew and loved

hinoota: what is love

tadashi!: what is life

yacchan: we need new parents

hinoota: agreed

tadashi!: where will we fight parents who dont swear?

yacchan: seijou?

hinoota: iwaizumi at the grand king tho,,,

yacchan: o tru

tadashi!: nekoma?

hinoota: boi u ever met yaku morisuke

yacchan: lev-kun's not here tho

tadashi!: true, but we have some problem kids

yacchan: much less short jokes, tho

hinoota: and a chance to add kenma

suga: I'M SORRY

Dadchi: You've brought dishonour on this family, Suga

suga: I SAID O N E SWEAR HECKIN YIKES YOU GUYS

hinoota has added nyaku, kenya, kurocat, catdog and vodka

suga: They planned this I bet they planned this you always think the cute and polite ones are great. You always think great, finally some kids that aren't problem children and then they come online and show that they're truly little demons.

nyaku: What the fuck

tadashi!: mom just swore oh my god

hinoota: its the end of the world

suga: N O

kenya: hello, Shouyou.

hinoota: HI KENMA!!!!!!

Dadchi: Why are we even in this chat, Hinata?

hinoota: so we can have fun, mak friedn, and talka botu volleyball!!!!!!

Tsuicidal: "mak friedn" "talka botu" Why is spelling so hard for you to understand I'm actually gonna drink bleach.

tadashi! has changed their name to bleach

bleach: what the Heck tm who changed it

yacchan: well i mean,,,, theyre not wrong

bleach: y a C Hi

ryuu: GUYS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!

Dadchi: What?

ryuu: KIYOKO-SAN ISNT IN THE CHAT!!!!!!!!!

hinoota: i didnt because i was told you nd noya-san would make her leave

ryuu: my own kouhai... unbelievable

nishi-fuckin-noya: WHO??????

yacchan: eek

yacchan has left the chat

hinoota has added yacchan to the chat

ryuu: we cant fight her noya

nishi-fuckin-noya: ur right ryuu we cant shes too cute

suga: ...Yeet

suga has added shewolf to the chat

shewolf: hello hitoka

yacchan: eee hello shimizu-senpai!!

nyaku: What

suga: Sorry about this, Yaku

nishi-fuckin-noya: AYYYYYY MORISUKE

nyaku: Hi there Nishinoya

Dadchi: ....I'm kicking Kuroo.

nyaku: Please do

kenya: please do

Tsuicidal: Please do.

kurocat: BETRAYED

kurocat: SAWAMURA... KENMA.... TSUKKI.... EVEN YAKU

kurocat: okay maybe yaku was to be expected BUT STILL

Tsuicidal: Daichi, please.

Dadchi: I'm threatening Hinata to do it hold on.

vodka: yAKU-SAN!!!!

nyaku: Jesus Christ Sawamura can you kick him too

kazu: yo kid whys ur name vodka

vodka: kuroo changed it cause hes mean and i dont know how to change it back :(

Dadchi: Bullying kouhai, Kuroo. Unbelievable.

kurocat: ok mr im threatening hinata 

hinoota: gUUuuuuYYYs u hav to hav intresting names!!! nekoma have intretins names why cant u be like them!!!!

bleach: does anybody want to have some blackmail material against tsukki :) :) :)

sashi: the passive aggressive smileys.... tsukishima whats good

kurocat: YES

Tsuicidal: Literally anyone but Kuroo. Please

bleach: ..... bokuto

Tsuicidal: How do you even know his account?

bleach: oikawa knows literally everyon ok

kurocat: wA It how r u in kahoots with oikawa

ryuu: kahoots

catdog: I FUCKING LOVE KAHOOT

hinoota: iNOUKA MY MAN

catdog: AAAAYYYYY

bleach: oikawas my bf B)

kurocat: wHAT

kurocat: HE SAID HE HAD TWO BF BUT I WAS SUR IT WAS LIKE. IWAIZUMI AND USHIJIMA

Suga: WHAT OIKAWA H A T E S USHIJIMA

kurocat: I D O TN KNOW OK

kurocat: the other ones iwaizumi right freckles

bleach: nah fam

kurocat: wh o

bleach: *insert lenny her*#

nyaku: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

bleach: thank u

nishi-fuckin-noya: whyd morisuke hav a lenny on hand tho

nyaku: Some things, Nishinoya, you dont need to know

nishi-fuckin-noya: fuckin damn mori yous a freak

vodka: what does that face mean??????????????????????????????

ryuu: can we corrupt him

nyaku: Do not corrupt my kouhai. 

vodka: yaku-san!!!!!!!!!!!! i wannan know!!!!!!!!!!

nyaku: Kms

Chikillme: Um copyrighted?

Tsuicidal: Don't steal jokes.

catdog: joke: stolen

kurocat: SEIOUSLY???????????// WHO IS IT?????????/////

kags: its me

kurocat: ....seriosuy tho

bleach: its tobio

kurocat: wait rlly

kurocat: i thought oikawa hated him

kags: wow ok thanks

bleach has added x-files fucker to the chat

x-files fucker: what to heck????????????

Dadchi: Why

Dadchi: You've completed the trash trio Yamaguchi. How do you feel

kazu: whats a trash trio

Suga: Tsukishima, Kuroo and Oikawa

x-files fucker: MEAN!!!!

Tsuicidal: Why would you put me in the same category as them? Disgusting.

kurocat: i actully have no valid reasons to argue against this i am pretty much trash

kenya: true.

nyaku: It's true

catdog: true dat lmao

shewolf: Does all of his team hate him?

kenya: it's not hate. he's jut ridiculously stupid.

shewolf: Ah. I see.

Suga: It's kinda like us @ Tanaka and Noya

ryuu: i

nishi-fuckin-noya: ,,,, true

x-files fucker: whyd u even add me here tadashi they're all being mean :(

bleach: they dont belive that me u nd tobi r datin

x-files fucker: well let me tell u i lov my bfs very much and that dashi nd tobi r indeed, my bfs

sashi: gay

kazu: ,,,,hisashi ur wearin my shirt right now

sashi: thats a very bro thing to do

kazu: ur in my bed

sashi: i slept over

kazu: we're cuddling

sashi: platonically

kazu: we've been dating for five month

sashi: thats pretty gay kazu i dont wanna associate myself with homosexuality :/

kazu: petition to kick him off the team

x-files fucker: oh, we have one of those

sashi: add him i need an alliance

Suga: Is everyone just gonna come into the chat and add their entire team

x-files fucker: yes

x-files fucker has added Bara, maki from love live, eyebrows, Creampuff, angery pupper, Xx_Shinji_xX, kunimi, Kindaichi

Suga: Unbelievable

maki from love live: new chat who dis

hinoota: all karasuno and half of nekoma

eyebrows: nekoma. neko ma. neko. nico.

maki from love live: NICO NICO NII

kenya: kuroo

kurocat: ....wjat

kenya: can we chnge our banner thing to this

kurocat: kenma no

eyebrows: dont know who the fuck u are but KENMA YES

nyaku: Actually now I think aboutit Im surprised we've gotten so far and kuroo hasnt attempted to add bokuto and akaashi yet

kurocat: .......

kurocat has added bokuto no pico and Akaashi to the chat

nyaku: I'm gonna stab myself with a fucking volleyball

angery pupper has left the chat

hinoota has added angery pupper to the chat

hinoota: please dont lev

hinoota: lev

hinoota: LEAV E

vodka: :")

angery pupper: who are u people

bleach: hI KYOU :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

angery pupper: o hi

Creampuff: Kyoutani has friends?!!!?!

angery pupper: im gonna fuckin fight u oh ym god

Creampuff: Um okay sure you're shorter than me and also concerning gay for me so????

ryuu: if u kno hes gay for u then why dont u just ge togehter

Creampuff: I'm not gay?????

kazu: we foudn him

Creampuff: ???

assahi: I feel like I'm the only actually straight person here

Suga: Wait you're like. Actually straight

assahi: Yes? I think so at least

Suga: Blocked. Reported. Unfriended on club penguin

Dadchi: Wait, what? Asahi's straight?

hinoota: i thought he was gay for noya-san?!

ryuu: same tbh

nishi-fuckin-noya: actually i did as well what the fuck asahi

Creampuff: I'm straight

sashi: same. definitely.

sashi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

vodka: Lenny Face is kind of a snarky, half-smiling, knowing side-glance, usually suggesting some sneakiness, impishness, inside joke, or sexual innuendo.

vodka: ??????????????

 

nyaku: He searched up the definition

nyaku: That's actually kind of adorable

kurocat: YAKKUN ARE YOU FINALLY ADMITTING HOW GAY U ARE FOR LEV

nyaku: WTF NO IM NOT GAY FOR HIM HES MY KOUHAI?????? HES LITERALLY A FIRST YEAR???

x-files fucker: im dating two first yrs honey its not that bad 

vodka: is it wrong for him to date me?

vodka: lik e in a third year s date firs t yea rs way like si that wrong in gneeral i eman

kurocat: nah kiddo yaku's just. yaku. i guess

vodka: oh 

Xx_Shinji_xX: also yo if we're still talkin bout whos straight here. i am but thats actually the truth, unlike yahaba who just denies his huge mcfuckin crush on kyoutani honestly.

Creampuff: I DO NOT

Xx_Shinji_xX: yh u fuckin do

Bara: Did Oikawa make another team chat

hinoota: no i made this!!!! its my chat not his!!!!!! 

Bara: I'm leaving

x-files fucker: iWACHANNNNN

eyebrows: no homo but i would suck the lenny face' sdick 

chikillme: i dont know that sounds pretty gay

maki from love live: issei. its a face. it doesnt have a dick

eyebrows: but

eyebrows: but what does it hae if it doesnt have a dick

bleach: as a person who does not have a dick i am triggered

hinoota: same

yacchan: same

angery pupper: same

kunimi: same

nyaku: Same

shewolf: Same

eyebrows: what the fuck

eyebrows: makki how dont they have dicks

eyebrows: do they just have. voids.

maki from love live: hes on my floor right now. crying and stoned as fuck.

maki from love live: how do you get so fucking baked you forget vaginas exist

bokuto no pico: if hes high and over ur house why aint u high too

maki from love live: because my boyfriend is an asshole who got high with his friend before coming over my house, empty handed of weed

bokuto no pico: oh my god. im so sorry

Akaashi: wait, is your boyfriend Matsukawa Issei?

maki from love live: binch howd u know that u stalkin him leave my man alone 

Akaashi: I'm his friend. the one who got high with him.

maki from love live: o shit ive seen pictures of u ur hot

Akaashi: thank you

bokuto no pico: dont steal my akaashi!!!!!!!!

kurocat: our akaashi

Tsuicidal: Wait, Keiji smokes weed?

Akaashi: yes.

kazu: damn tsukishima do u have a smoking kink

Tsuicidal: Kill yourself, please.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i throw in more headcanons, nearly everyone references a meme at some point, and roasting oikawa is everybody's favourite pastime

Chikillme: We're all really sleep-deprived and Hisashi just spelt Kazuhito's name as narito and he's still laughing at it since it happened. it's been fifteen minutes

Suga: Who's "all"

Chikillme: Me, Ryuu, Noya, Kazuhito and Hisashi

nishi-fuckin-noya: update bcus ryuu's a weeb he has a naruto headband and kazuhito's wearin it

nishi-fuckin-noya: update 2 hisashi is now playing fighting dreamers. chikara wants to kill himself

bleach: i too want to kill myself

eyebrows: o shit what happen young karasuno

bleach: club penguin is getting shut down and they're remaking it into a shitty copy and me and tsukki have been depressed about it for the few hours since we found out

Tsuicidal: It's true. The only solace we have is watching all the Shrek movies back to back.

eyebrows: even the holiday ones?

Tsuicidal: Shrek the Halls and Scared Shrekless are right here. Yamaguchi is crying.

kurocat: talkin abut crying yaku called me at eleven last night and started sobbng and asking why he had to love a certain "fucking idiot"~~~~~

vodka: who?!!!!!?1!/!/

vodka: not t sound crepepy i juts

kurocat: chill kiddo aha

kurocat: adn i think he'd actually murder me if i told you so~~~~

vodka: why me :(

kurocat: i meant you as in. anyone

Suga: Oh yeh Kuroo, why didnt you add your whole team after joining?

kurocat: actually i didnt think to, but kai already gets enough of my shit, fukunaga is cripplingly quiet, yamamoto would just screm every time one of the girls appeared, and shibayama. is actually cool im gonna add shibayama

nyaku: Kuroo i'm going to kick ur furry ass!!!!!!

nyaku: And dont add my precious son!!!!!!!!

kurocat: ay yo inuoka

catdog has added leo de la iglesia to the chat

kenya: did somebody mention yuri on ice????

maki from love live: someBODY once told me

bleach: yoi?!!!!!!??? (also nice all star ref fam)

angery pupper: ....?

leo de la iglesia: i have awakened the weeb trio

leo de la iglesia: and yh,,,,,, my gf pointed out that i look like him lmao

catdog: gf?

leo de la iglesia; oh did i not tll u bout her?? sorry sou!! her name is shiori :D

catdog: oh

catdog: cool!!!!!!!

hinoota: inuoka pm me

catdog: k fam

kurocat: ,,,yikes

leo de la iglesia: is sou ok??

nyaku: he's fine, yuuki. just let him talk to hinata-kun for a bit, okay?

vodka: yaku-san sounds so much like a mother!

nyaku: leV ILL KICK UR ASS!!!!

vodka: eEEEEEEE

x-files fucker: ok,,,, hate to break the family bondin moments but why is kyouken-chan counted as a weeb

angery pupper: don't call me that u dick

kenya: kyoutani is otaku asf

angery pupper: k O Zum e

bleach: sozza kentarou but its true,,,,, ur a heckig weeblord

kags: weeblord ? ????

bleach: shut ur heck blueberry boy

Xx_Shinji_xX: why yall callin people weeaboos we're japanese u fucks

vodka: am RUSSIA

kurocat: mother russia

leo de la iglesia: lev u are only half russia

kurocat: cousin russia

vodka: am HALF RUSSIA

catdog has added shoujla boy tell em, tony the tiger and Kai to the chat.

bokuto no pico: SHOUJLA BOY TELL EM

bokuto no pico: IM WHEEZING

bokuto no pico: YOU SIR ARE A FINE, FINE MAN

tony the tiger: damn who knew fukunaga was a memelord

kenya: you guys must be blind. his phone background is pepe's face on jean from attack on titan.

shoujla boy tell em: caption is in comic sans: when ur boifriend gets halved 

Creampuff: Kyoutani is on Skype right now with me and Watari. I'm pretty sure he just started crying.

Tsuicidal: I'm fairly sure that's wrong grammar but I'm not going to pay attention when there are badass Shrek princesses to watch instead.

tony the tiger: fukunaga just dabbed im killin myself

ryuu: WAIT BRO IS THST U

tony the tiger: BRO!!!! WHERES NOYA?????????

nishi-fuckin-noya: AM HERE MY BROS

ryuu: BROOOOO!!

tony the tiger: BRO!!!!!

nishi-fuckin-noya: BROOO!!!!

ryuu: also tora we got a new member of the Kiyoko Protection Squad ™

tony the tiger: o shit what his name

ryuu: her name actually

yacchan: h ih

nishi-fuckin-noya: this is yachi our other manager she is soft and gay and we lov her

tony the tiger: this is the best gay of my lifw

tony the tiger: day

tony the tiger: but either is prob accurate

shoulja boy tell em: i thought i was ur best gay,,,,

tony the tiger: ofc u are shouhei!!!!! 

ryuu: thats,,,, gay,,,, bless

maki from love live: i dont know whats happening but this brought a tear to my eye

Kai: What is this?

Bara: I agree, what the fuck is going on

kunimi: i thought there was a no swearing rule

Bara: For kouhai. Especially first yrs

Creampuff: But Shinji is allowed to...?

Bara: Watari's a good kid. He's allowed. You and Kyoutani are not

Creampuff: ....OIKAWA-SAN

kazu: is this is or this not when the mother says u cant do soemthing so u ask ur dad instead

x-files fucker: sorry my little creampuff, i agree with iwa-chan! u and kyouken r bad boys a lot and watachii is the picture of shining innocence

Xx_Shinji_xX: If i write fairy tail fanfiction do u think kyoutani would actually throttle me

Xx_Shinji_xX: o shit wrong time sorry oikawa-san

angery pupper: answer: yes i would fairy tail is to be scorned on

ryuu: wHAT S WRONG WITH FAIRY TAIL U BUMBLEBEE LOOKIN ASS ILL FIGHT U!!!!!!

ryuu: I'M TAKING THIS TO PRIVATE CHAT PREPARE FOR A SHITSTORM YOU DEVIANTART FURSONA I'LL ACTUALLY ASSASSINATE YOU!!!!

Xx_Shinji_xX: oh good idea, i'll scrap the fairy tail fanfiction and write reader insert furry hentai or something for him instead

Creampuff: Shinji, there are few times that I have loved you more than I do now

Xx_Shinji_xX: or how about a 10k yaoi about him and yahaba 

Creampuff: .....Nevermind

Xx_Shinji_xX: don't worry shigeru i'll give u a copy, too

hinoota: if kyoutani-san's a dog and yahaba-san loves him, who's the furry in that relationship??????????

kurocat: both

kurocat: all

kurocat: everyone's a furry

Dadchi: HI NA T A

Suga: WHERE DID YOU LEARN THESE THINGS YOURE MEANT TO BE I N N O C E N T 

Suga: I HAVE ONLY JUST COME TO TERMS WITH YAMAGUCHI BEIN A KINKY BITCH I

kags: pls do not out my bf

bleach: suga-san, i'm fairly sure that you are kinkier than me, but , okay honey, whatever helps you sleep at night

Kai: Thats a lot of commas

eyebrows: that message just screamed sure jan lmfao good one baby karasuno

x-files fucker: mattsun he has a name

eyebrows: and so do i

eyebrows: spoiler alert: it aint mattsun

sashi: OH SHIT

kazu: DAMN FUCKIN ROASTED

Akaashi: Honestly painful

catdog: I CAN HEAR THE CLAPBACK FROM TOKYO DAMN DUDE

x-files fucker: YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN STOP OVER REACTING!!!!!!!! ・゜・(ノД`)

Bara: Says the dude with a crying kaomoji and eight exclamation marks

Kindaichi: oH HECK

kenya: y ikes

maki from love live: please keep roasting oikawa its the most fun ive had all day other than gettin waffles

kunimi: u got waffles?

maki from love live: yh

kunimi: lucky piece of bitch

Akaashi: Sugawara?

Suga: Mhm?

Akaashi: Answer the door, you assmelon.

Suga: Sure thing, bitchmuffin

maki from love live: rt ur goals,,,,

shewolf: Akaashi-kun and Suga are icons and anyone who disagrees is probably dead. Because I killed them or Death himself did because they dissed angels

nishi-fuckin-noya: she speaks!!!!

yacchan: what kind of goddess

ryuu: i want to cry? so beautiful

tony the tiger: this touched my heart

leo de la iglesia: also people who aint all japanese represent!! (im mixed puerto rican but i dont speak much spanish)

vodka: am cousin russia

bleach: half mexican on my mums side i speak fluent spanish

Akaashi: most of my family are Korean but my father is half-Japanese so we live here

kenya: i'm somewhat polish

hinoota: half irish!!!!

Kai: I'm pretty sure my dad is Filipino

nishi-fuckin-noya: ayy filipino squad my cousins are from the phillipines

kags: hinata is a leprechaun

hinoota: do you want to fuckin go

kags: meet me in the gym at lunch 

hinoota: ill be there

yacchan: why must they always do this

bleach: also if u still want to roast tooru.

x-files fucker: why must you do this

bleach: he's meant to be all popular and suave and good with the girls but the first time he saw a boob that wasn't his mother's he started crying and hid under the duvet for fifteen minutes

x-files fucker: ・゜・(ノД`)

bleach: :)))))))))))))


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so much denied love... these kids i swear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this is so late! please enjoy, though, despite it being late and short.

kenya: shouyou

hinoota: whats up kenma!!!

kenya: can you hide kuroo in miyagi

hinoota: shit what hapenned

Tsuicidal: Please, for the love of God, learn how to spell.

hinoota: shut it stingyshima i have a kuroo to smuggle

kenya: he found yaku's phone and sent a love confession to lev pretending to be yaku. shit's gone down and basically: yaku left practice early, lev is crying and kuroo has multiple bruises. im in the club room because kai is sort of passive aggressive telling kuroo off and its uneasy

hinoota: oh

hinoota: oh shit

kenya: yh its not good

vodka: kenm a-sna

kenya: hello, lev

vodka: kensm-san doe sy akus-na haet me

kenya: no

kenya: but hes angry at the moment

vodka: i thoghtu he really lvoe d me and i ws so happy

kenya: i know. but kuroo's an ass

Suga: Yakus talking to me so at least we know hes alive

kurocat: IM SORRY

Tsuicidal: Even for you, what the fuck

kurocat: I DIDNT EXPET IT TO BE UCH A BIG DEAL IT WAS A JOKE IM SORRY

bokuto no pico: kuroo is actually torn up bout this guys he didnt mean it

nyaku: Ill beat u

kurocat: iM SORRY YAKU

nyaku: say sorry to lev as well u fuckin scene kid furby

kurocat: sorry cousin russia

vodka: its ok senpai

yacchan: i love lev

yacchan: he is the tallest person in the world but i want to protect him

nyaku: tbh

hinoota: reblogd even tho lev insult my heigt

bokuto no pico: REBLOGGED HES MY LONGCAT SON

tony the tiger: lev is actually longcat tho wtf

hinoota: btw do i still need to kidnap churro

hinoota: kuroo

hinoota: same thing

kurocat's name has been changed to churro

Kai: Someone photoshop his hair onto a churro

x-files fucker: whats a churro?

bleach: we're breaking up im taking kags

x-files fucker: what

bleach: churros are the light of my life

churro: o shit can i slide into ur dms then freckles-kun

Tsuicidal: Yamaguchi, run.

Tsuicidal: I'll fight him for you.

chikillme: Most of the people here would die for yamaguchi

bleach: w hy

kazu: bc ur the Most Precious Thing on this earth

sashi: i survived 2016 only for yamaguchi tadashi

Creampuff: Yamaguchi im not exactly sure who you are but im sure youll make 2017 good

Tsuicidal: I'd die for Yamaguchi but I'd take any chance to kill myself so I guess I should say that I'd live for him.

kags: id die for him and oikawa would too but hes currently crying over the phineas and ferb finale

maki from love live: damn daddy thats relatable

eyebrows: u never call me daddy :(

maki from love live: bc ur not

eyebrows: wow ok

maki from love live: iwaizumi is my daddy

eyebrows: o ok understandable

Xx_Shinji_xX: OIKAWA WAS SHIGERU'S FIRTS GAY CRUSH

Creampuff: WATARI

Xx_Shinji_xX: tHATS WHAT U GET

x-files fucker: whats this i hear, creampuff-chan? ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ

Creampuff: Nothing Oikawa-san

Creampuff: Shinji is being an ass

x-files fucker: tut tut no swearing! ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ watacchi?

Xx_Shinji_xX: its exactly as i said, senpai, you were yahaba's first boy crush

x-files fucker: its okay, creampuff-chan~ i would fall for me too

kunimi: with all due respects, oikawa-san, most people on our team have had or still do have a crush on iwaizumi-san

Bara: ...What

Bara: Also stop bullying the kouhai Shittykawa. Leave Yahaba alone

kunimi: i know kindaichi does

Kindaichi: a k iRA

kunimi: yeah im going back to sleep now

kenya: good idea

chikillme: ive just read through the chat and What The Fuck is Going On

Akaashi: I wouldn't deny being attracted to Oikawa. He is a very good-looking person.

x-files fucker: ooo hit me up owl boy

Akaashi: You may be highly attractive but I'm afraid that you do not quite fit my type, Oikawa-san.

Akaashi: However, from what I have heard, you seem to be both high maintenance and have a good ability to roast; traits of which I have seen a lot of in my boyfriends.

x-files fucker: im pretty sure im meant to be offended but instead im starry eyed

x-files fucker: akaashi keiji just persnaly adresed me cn u bleiev this

bokuto no pico: akAAAAshi :(

ryuu: im shook why'd's he talk like that

nishi-fuckin-noya: dude we're textin u ont ave to be so formal

Tsuicidal: None of you can spell. I hate this.

kag: i hate you

churro: im p sure he just insulted us but like (=♡ ᆺ ♡=) i lv u keiji <3

shoulja boy tell em: i agree with whover ryuu is i am #SHOOK he talks so posh but its so calm and unoffensively offensive

bleach: is there like,,, nobody immune to akaashi

bokuto no pico: no such thing as immune to akaashi

catdog: ok so i know none of you like undertale

kunimi: stop that

Xx_Shinji_xX: im stil not over the fact that there is hentai of both temmi and the annoyin dog

Creampuff: Dog hentai? Hey kyoutani its something for you

angery pupper: sucking dick? hey yahaba its somethin for u

Creampuff: For the last time Im not gay!

sashi: me either dude. dont know why everyone would assume im gay just bc ive had three boyfriends

kazu: im gonna commit

sashi: im obviously bi

Suga: Most people on our team are bi actually?

shewolf: im bi but with a preference to girls

nishi-fuckin-noya: there are at least two bisexuals in each yr

x-files fucker: i am a bi, who else is the bi in seijoh?

Xx_Shinji_xX: probably yahaba!

Kindaichi: I am

Creampuff: Whats bi?

x-files fucker: my sweet son 

x-files fucker: bisexual (bi) is when u dick out for both boobs and dudes

maki from love live: chicks and dicks

eyebrows: both adam and eve

Creampuff: I uh

Creampuff: Yeah

Bara: Good for you, Yahaba

kenya: i can practically hear kyoutani reading the chat and losing his shit

Creampuff: Why

kenya: because both of u lov each other go fuck thanks hes been pining for ages and its annoying

churro: says you

kenya: i dont know what you mean

hinoota: kenma has a crush!!!! who is it!!!!

catdog: shou...

hinoota: what?

catdog: nothin. its nothing

churro: yikes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! please continue to support my work and hopefully i'll come up with more content sooner instead of these huge waits... hhh...  
> love you all!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga: Ok so you know that one tumblr post like "selfcare is drinking a shit load of caffeine and getting into a knifefight with jesus" or something
> 
> Dadchi: Suga what have you done
> 
> Suga: It turns out I hoard those readymade Starbucks drinks. And they mustve been on sale or somthing because most of them had three days until most of them were gone off
> 
> Chikillme: suga-san are you okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o boi. its been a while. i'm so sorry

maki from love live: im gonna dye my hair blue

x-files fucker: halseymaki

maki from love live: i cant believe you made me read that with my own two eyes

Bara: I am... disgusted

x-files fucker: ctrl alt delete me i don't deserve this 。゜゜('Ｏ') ゜゜。

eyebrows: HIRO DONT DYE UR HAIR BLUE UR MY ROSE GOLD IPHONE LOOKIN ASS BF

maki from love live: i do what I want u fuckin eyebrow

sashi: rose gold is so good to me tbh

kazu: i dont have a rose gold iphone because im not Gay

sashi: me neither ahah im a heterostarightsexual i like

sashi: girl... thing...s?

chikillme: girl things

sashi: sht ur hec hv u ever had a girlfriend. no. i hav

chikillme: Rin from the second yearr of elementary school doesnt count, sweaty

nishi-fuckin-noya: ROASTED

Xx_Shinji_xX: im watchin the videos of yesterdays practice and dying inside

maki from love live: wait what what happened

eyebrows: what'd we miss

hinoota: WHAT'D I MISISSSSSSS

bleach: aAYYYY

Xx_Shinji_xX: i hav vIDEO EVIDENCE of kyoutan anad yahaba lookin high as fuck while dancing to wolf

kenya: by exo?

Xx_Shinji_xX: mhmhmm

kenya: send me it

Xx_Shinji_xX: its on my snapchat

bleach: can someone change my name to something that isnt bleach

bleach's name has been changed to yamagucci tadamnshi

yamagucci tadamnshi: i dont know what i was expecting but this is certainly better

churro: yALL ANY THEATRE FUCKERS HERE

x-files fucker: YAS BITNCH WHAT DO U NEED (o_ _)ﾉ彡☆

churro: ME, BO, KEIJI AND KEI JUST FINISHED DEAR EVAN HANSEN

bokuto no pico: i am CRYING 

bokuto no pico: so big so small the only reason im alive

Akaashi: We've started Waitress

churro: dawn is a wIFE

x-files fucker: b OI DONT SPOIL WAITRESS I HAVENT SEEN THAT ONE IS IT GOOD

churro: YE SO FAR

Suga: Nerds lmfao

Dadchi: Suga you cried in Hamilton like seven times

Suga: Daichi :)))))))

Dadchi: Shit

nishi-fuckin-noya: lmao suga-san ur a fuckin dominatrix

tony the tiger: im kinkshaming

leo de la iglesia: also have we got any updates on the lev and yaku situation?

Kai: I do

catdog: omg!!!! 

Kai: I caught them holding hands behind the gym and Yaku said I could tell the chat so there you go

hinoota: gET SOME LEV

Suga: Damn

nishi-fuckin-noya: lmao get in there morisuke

vodka: i hAVE A BOYFRIEND

leo de la iglesia: AAAAAAAAA

catdog: AAAAAAAAAAA

hinoota: AAAAAAAA

vodka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tony the tiger: does this mean ur gonna stop annoyin him in the middle of practiec

shoujla boy tell em: tora love u annoy me even more at practice since w started datring

tora the tiger: sHOU

shoujla boy tell em: truth hurts,,, bicth

leo de la iglesia: fukunaga-san u are the level of iconic i dream to be

Suga: Ok so you know that one tumblr post like "selfcare is drinking a shit load of caffeine and getting into a knifefight with jesus" or something

Dadchi: Suga what have you done

Suga: It turns out I hoard those readymade Starbucks drinks. And they mustve been on sale or somthing because most of them had three days until most of them were gone off

Chikillme: suga-san are you okay

Suga: I tried to get Asahi to help me but hes a WUSS and kept refusing them because apparently they aren't vegan or soemthign pussy bitc

ryuu: wait 

ryuu: YOU STABBED ASAHI?

Suga: NO

Suga: Well

Suga: Not exactly

kunimi: karasuno's wild

nishi-fuckin-noya: SUGA WTF

Suga: LISTE OK I DIDNT STAB HIM. HES JUST. KIND OF UNCONSCIOUS

shewolf: Sugawara, do you want some help?

Suga: Please Shimizu

Kindaichi: I'm kind of scared

Kindaichi: Kageyama, is this normal?

kags: i think

kags: not the same situation all the time obviosly but

kags: we get into a lot of crap

ryuu: the vp hates our team a heck lot

nishi-fuckin-noya: the vp is a LIL BITCH

kazu: dont fuckin swear yuu

nishi-fuckin-noya: FUCKNG FIGHT ME

Creampuff: I'm kind of scared wtf is going on

hinoota: WHAT DOES UNCONSCIOUS MEAN!!!! IS ASAHI SAN DEAD!!!!!

Kindaichi: oh boy

Suga: Fuc no hes not dead hinata its ok i didnt kill asahi

churro: id let u kill me koushi-kun

Suga: Kuroo pls go and die

churro: but

Suga: One strike

churro: UGH

nyaku: get rektin fuckt, kuroo

nishi-fuckin-noya: ASAHI IS FUCKIN DEAD U GUYS WHY R U

leo de la iglesia: rektin*

Suga: SHIMIZU IS HERE BYE BITCHES I HAVE FOUDN GOD

bokuto no pico: im scared

Akaashi: Please do not scare Koutarou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed, and leave anything you might like to see in the fic in the comments :)
> 
> hit me up on tumblr @ semieitamatic


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga: Asahi's okay now Shimizu brought him back to life
> 
> Kai: We need details, Sugawara
> 
> Suga: Lovely weather we're having

eyebrows: idubbbz is a connoisseur of the most crippling of depressions

ryuu: i am this close to deleting this goddamn chat 

ryuu: hinata, if you were in any way hateable, i would probably hate you for making it.

x-files fucker has changed their name to binch im oikawa

binch im oikawa: i relate to nothing more than my little pony oc roleplay instagrams with either lyrics to edgy song lyrics or "stressed, depressed but well-dressed" in their bio

Xx_Shinji_xX: this is oddly specific oikawa-san are u ok

binch im oikawa: haha yes pekillthesparerfectly fine

kags: tag urself im the spare

Tsuicidal: Tag yourself, I'm the fact that the king can meme.

kazu: tag urself, im tsukishima-kun's strangely annoying good grammar

kunimi: can i fight idubbbz for the title of the true Connoisseur of Depression, tm

Chikillme: life hack, cry about your regrets and failures in life for eighteen minutes straight instead of mustering up the energy to moisturise before bed before sleeping for as long as you can before you wake up and are faced with imminent doom.

yacchan: i can somehow relate to this

Kindaichi: Wheres the life hack though...?

Chikillme: because you didn't moisterize, the tears help by numbing your face and making you look like someone attacked you with a blotchy ass red sharpie 

sashi: ah yes, the latest trend

maki from love live: thats fucking racist

churro: to whom

maki from love live: idk i just wnated to join in

churro: kys

maki from love live: anything for you bb xoxo

eyebrows: cant believe makki cheated on me with a churro with ugly ass hair

maki from love live: mhm yeah decided it was at least better than a loser with ugly ass caterpillar brows

eyebrows: wow,

Bara: Issei - 0, Takahiro - 1

catdog: also we never found out whether karasuno's ace was dead or not!! or how he died!!!!

Suga: Asahi's okay now Shimizu brought him back to life

Kai: We need details, Sugawara

Suga: Lovely weather we're having

kenya: my life but it gets worse every time a bug falls onto me from my ceilinb

Asahi: The idea itself scares me

Suga: Everything scares you

churro: i dont even like aqours but i rlly want the dia in the event but u have to get a rlly high score and im shit at love live and lazy as shit and the riko's ugly

tony the tiger: eXCUSE ME I LOVE RIKO?

churro: shut up yamamoto u dont count

kenya: i sorta like her bc i Love and Support chika and everything chika does. and she is most liekly doing riko

yamagucci tadamnshi: its kinda odd tho! like umi is ur u's best girl and isnt riko meant to be aqours umi

kenya: yh. yoshiko is my aqours best girl, which again is odd bc im p sure shes meant to be like, nico 2.0 and nico is my Worst Girl

churro: nico is my best girl but i like rin bc shes a cat

kenya: in canon shes allergic to cats

churro: die, cunt

shoulja boi tell em: love live music is such a genuine jam tho

Suga: Talking about jams, once I had a crush who liked bts so I googled them once and told her my favourite member was taekook

bokuto no pico: jimin got no jams

churro: DIE, CUNT

Akaashi: Hey Sugawara?

Suga: Yea

Akaashi: How about you stop spewing random stories and tell us what happened with you and Azumane-san.

Suga: This is really quite anti climatic

Suga: Yall are making this into a bigger issue than it should be

churro: yall... sug we're japanese

Suga: Die, cunt

churro: bitnch.... . .

Suga: Listen. I threw a couple knives at my floor. He got scared and fainted

ryuu: i'm so confused

Bara: How much vodka do you put in your coffee

Akaashi: Could you give me the recipe?

ryuu: also why yall keep slating aqours... my baes... i love them and u's both... why cant we live peacefully

sashi: UNACCEPTABLE U HAV TO PICK O N E

leo de la iglesia: i dont really know love live well but shiori likes aqours! 

Xx_Shinji_xX: talking about love live nd aqours, yall know that crane game?

Creampuff: What crane game

Xx_Shinji_xX: the app one, toreba

sashi: THAT GAME IS SO HARD

Xx_Shinji_xX: i won a yoshiko pillow on it

kenya: mY BE ST GIRL

angery pupper: one of the only times kozume gets worked up, love live!

churro: other instances include lev 

kenya: shut up 

Suga: *Die, cunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> hit me up here:
> 
> tumblr: semieitamatic  
> art blog: elluleart


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindaichi: So far the only relationship whatevers that have happened in this chat are from Nekoma... I was expecting a lot more..
> 
> oh boy.

yacchan: lesbiab culture is having genuine feelings for alisa from fashion dogz

yamagucci tadamnshi: gay culture is having a crush on the limited characters from subway surfers

yacchan: i thought u were gonna say the dog shogun lol

yamagucci tadamnshi: TBH

binch im oikawa: tadashi told me he'd genuinely leave us for lee from fucking subway surfers!!!!

Bara: Id leave you for Lee from subway surfers

leo de la iglesia: talking about crushes!!

leo de la iglesia: do any of you know sou's crush? he's been rly sad about whoever it is and won't tell me who!!! and i want to fight them for hurting my best friend!! 

churro: kid i love u, ur a tiny kouhai and whatever,,, but why are you asking on a multi-team gc? and a gc that hes in at that?

leo de la iglesia: i dont know i guess that was stupid

leo de la iglesia: i want to make him happy again!

hinoota: shibayama i think you should just wait for him to be able to tell u

leo de la iglesia: hinata, you know! please!!

hinoota: i cant tell you though

hinoota: just give him time until he's ok to tell u

nishi-fuckin-noya: my kouhai... spitting straight wisdom....

nyaku: yuuki, you won't be able to help by finding out who. if he's upset, you should just stay by his side until he's happy, no matter who his crush is.

leo de la iglesia: i know, yaku-senpai, but its hard!! i have a suspicion but i think its stupid...

hinoota: pm me it

 

-

 

chat between hinoota and leo de la iglesia

 

leo de la iglesia: i think he might like shiori? like my gf? because since i told him i was with her he's been a lot sadder and has wanted to hang out with me less... he's my best friend, hinata-kun, but i'm scared i'll have to choose between him and her, and they both make me so insanely happy, i want them both in my life.

hinoota: i mean i get ur logic

hinoota: you're so close but so far at the same time if you get me

leo de la iglesia: i just want him to be happy hinata-kun

leo de la iglesia: what do i do?

hinoota: i'm sorry shibayama! but i have no idea

 

-

 

group chat between hinoota, kags, Tsuicidal and 20+ others

 

Kindaichi: So far the only relationship whatevers that have happened in this chat are from Nekoma... I was expecting a lot more..

nishi-fuckin-noya: boy ur lucky tanaka and ennoshita dont do their relationship drama on public chats or whatever

ryuu: we dont have relationship drama noya!

Chikillme: We don't even have a relationship.

sashi: why the fuck you lyinnnn

kazu: i love you both but.... now thats what i call delusional

Chikillme: I don't like Tanaka like that.

Suga: Darlin you may as well be saying that you're straight. Don't believe that shit for a second.

tony the tiger: ohhhhhh

kenya: ?

tony the tiger: ennoshita-kun must be the person that ryuu was lusting over the other night lol

ryuu: TORA I LUST OVER NOBODY BUT KIYOKO SAN AND THE CAT GIRL FROM SWORD ART ONLINE

Akaashi: Can I leave the chat?

churro: whyyy keijiiii

Akaashi: I do not want to affiliate myself with people who enjoy the likes of Sword Art Online.

angery pupper: he also likes fairy tail im finna fight him

sashi: chikara-chan is mysteriously not talking as this unfolds... has he been flustered by the idea of his crush lusting over him~?

shoulja boy tell em: [Intro: Jake Paul]

Y'all can't handle this  
Y'all don't know what's about to happen baby

Los Angeles, Cali boy  
But I'm from Ohio though, white boy

[Verse 1: Jake Paul]

 

Man I'm poppin' all these checks, got a brand new Rolex  
And I met a Lambo too and I'm coming with the crew

 

Ohio's where I'm from, we chew 'em like it's gum

 

I cannot be outdone, Jake Paul is number one

 

[Verse 2: Nick Crompton]  
You know it's Nick Crompton and my collar stay poppin'  
Yes, I can rap and no, I am not from Compton

And if it weren't for Team 10, then the US would be shitty  
I'll pass it to Chance 'cause you know he stay litty

[Verse 3: Chance Sutton]  
Two months ago you didn't know my name  
And now you want my fame? Bitch I'm blowin' up  
I'm only going up, now I'm going off, I'm never fallin' off

All these beefs I just ran through, hit a milli in a month

Think you need to get your shit straight  
Jakey brought me to the top, now we're really poppin' off  
Number 1 and number 4, that's why these fans all at our door  
It's lonely at the top so we all going

It's Team 10, bitch  
We back again, always first, never last  
We the future, we'll see you in the past

[Chorus: Jake Paul]  
It's everyday bro  
It's everyday bro  
It's everyday bro  
I said it is everyday bro!

 

Hold on, hold on, hold on

We 'bout to hit it  
Sí, lo único que quiero es dinero  
Trabajando en YouTube todo el día entero  
Viviendo en U.S.A, el sueño de cualquiera  
Enviando dólares a mi familia entera  
Tenemos una persona por encima  
Se llama Donald Trump y está en la cima  
Desde aquí te cantamos - can I get my VISA?  
Martinez Twins, representando España

 

[Chorus: Jake Paul]  
It's everyday bro  
It's everyday bro  
It's everyday bro  
I said it is everyday bro!

[Verse 5: Tessa Brooks]  
Yo, it's Tessa Brooks  
The competition shook  
These guys up on me  
I got 'em with the hook  
Lemme educate ya'  
And I ain't talking book

I'm flyin' like a drone  
They buying like a loan  
Yeah, I smell good  
Is that your boy's cologne?

[Verse 6: Jake Paul]  
Is that your boy's cologne?

Now I'm in my flippin' zone  
Yes, they all copy me  
But, that's some shitty clones  
Stay in all designer clothes  
And they ask me what I make  
I said is 10 with six zeros  
Always plug, merch link in bio  
And I will see you tomorrow 'cause  
It's everyday bro  
Peace

tony the tiger: im in fucking SHOCK

yamagucci tadamnshi: i know that whole song

Tsuicidal: I'm kind of ashamed to say I do, too.

maki from love live: IVE BEEN SUMMONED

maki from love live: EN GLAND IS MY CITY

eyebrows: also kindaichi u blind kiddo? what about kyoutani and yahaba's drama

Xx_Shinji_xX: (eye emoji)

nyaku: why cant u just actually send an emoji

Xx_Shinji_xX: im on pc and i cant be bothered to copy paste, dont @ me morisuke

angery pupper: me and yahaba dont have drama

Creampuff: If we did have drama it'd all be on Kyouken's end anyway. The only drama we have is him being in love with me.

angery pupper: dont call me that

angery pupper: and can you just fucking leave me alone for once

angery pupper: you act like i can control all that. i didn't choose to be gay and i certainly didn't choose to like you of all people

Creampuff: I wouldn't expect someone like you to have control at all.

angery pupper: fuck you yahaba

angery pupper has left the chat!

eyebrows: uhhhh yahaba what the fuck

Creampuff: Did I cross the line?

binch im oikawa: at least hes not against a wall...?

yamagucci tadamnshi: uh yeah you definitely crossed a line

sashi: tadashi-kun...

yamagucci tadamnshi: kentarou-san isnt just some indifferent ball of anger or whatever!!! he is a person with feelings and emotions and you can't just attack him like that!!! he is my friend and he deserves much better than you!!!!!

Creampuff has left the chat!

kenya: come on the otaku squad chat tadashi

yamagucci tadamnshi: yeah

Tsuicidal: It's definitely bad if he ended up angering Tadashi.

Tsuicidal: The only people I've seen on the receiving end of his rages are me and Oikawa.

kags: he's rly angry

kags: we're together and he's skyping kyoutani-san and kozume-san

Xx_Shinji_xX: Is Kyoutani okay? I'm trying to talk to Yahaba, I'm gonna go to his house in a bit but it's harder for me to talk to Kyoutani.

kags: he's very upset. i don't feel right listening but i want to make tadashi calm down because he gets sad after he gets angry

Kindaichi: I love Yahaba-san but that was mean of him

binch im oikawa: he needs a better way to control his temper other than bottling it up and taking it out on himself and kyoukenchan

Bara: Is there something wrong at home or does he just have a lot of pent up anger?

Xx_Shinji_xX: His parents are kinda controlling. Idk how to explain it without violating his trust. 

hinoota: i feel sad for both of them :(

Daichi: And I thought Karasuno was a lot to manage.

hinoota: we sort out our anger between ourselves!!!!

Tsuicidal: And when we do the wall thing, it's in private.

shewolf: So that's what you and Yamaguchi-kun were doing in the training camp.

binch im oikawa: W AHT

bokuto no pico: hUH

Tsuicidal: This sounds a lot worse than it is.

churro: tSUKK I

Tsuicidal: Please don't call me that. And basically Tadashi got angry at me for being pathetic (I kinda was), and like, slammed me against this yelled at me all this stuff about how I needed to have more pride in what I do and whatever. It was... pretty incredible.

ryuu: TSUKISHIMAAAAAA

hinoota: HE HAS FEELINGS???????!!!???????

Tsuicidal: I hate this chat.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed and if you did please leave kudos and a comment!  
> thanks for reading!


End file.
